The Christian walk isn’t always sunny.
Last week I had a not so okay week where almost everything around seemed to be collapsing, but I needed to look okay. But I never stopped praying. I find it funny as I realized how irrational my prayer was in that desperate moment. I know I’m not too far, but I know there’s more – more to dig deeper. I know there is! There must be! I just don’t know how to go there.
An unexpected appointment.
What to do when you had an appointment, but your meeting mate hadn’t shown up? I attended our 2nd morning worship service to hear our senior pastor so I can write something for the recap of the series on Tuesday.
Worship time came, and I was there just crying (literally) whether the song was fast or slow, not caring what others (including my leaders) think, just pouring out my heart to my Father. Then I thought, who could I come to and ask for help? I know I MUST be accountable to my leaders, and this is not a valid excuse, but the last time I opened up truthfully to a someone, it did not go well. I thought of a friend from Singapore who has been a mother to me. I thought maybe she could help me. But the fear of this personal issue reaching my boss was unbearable. I asked God what I should do and pleaded could He send someone. Surprisingly, we had a guest speaker from Singapore!
A familiar voice.
Our guest pastor talked about “The Heart of a True Worshiper.” Then I laughed to myself and said, of course, I should worship. I know I needed the Holy Spirit. I know that I had deprived myself of drawing near to His living water and presence. Altar call came, and no one went to the front. I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to admit my need for Him, but I had three reasons not to go:
- I’m sitting in the middle of the row
- I’m wearing high heels
- What would my leaders think of me?
But one reason made me go to the altar – because GOD CALLED ME AND HE IS ALL I NEED.
I came in front, praising Him, crying, speaking in tongues, and God impressed in my heart: “I love you this much! I canceled your appointment so I could meet you. I made this man stop by your church to remind you that you are my child. I have even come down to show you that I love you, and I am the God with you. I came down, took the cross, died, and resurrected. But I never abandoned you nor I ever will. The Holy Spirit came who wants to live in you, have fellowship with you, and love you. I have come down to that deepest pit you’re stuck with and rescued you because I love you, my daughter.”
Thank you, Jesus!